Bold 2017 baseball predictions

Congratulations, everyone! It was a hell of a rough off-season, but we made it.

Oh sure, we might end up all dying soon from North Korean missiles, some random pandemic, or when SkyNet takes control of our self-driving cars, but for right now at least, meaningful baseball is back and everything is right again. We are, as Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes once warbled, “up where we belong.”¹Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high.

In just a few minutes, the pursuit of our nation’s pastime will resume in one of it’s most beautiful and storied homes,²Ok, not really. and our long but continuous march towards the crisp and exciting days of October will begin. The seemingly endless torture of meaningless spring training games is over, millions of leftover hot dogs are being thawed out at stadiums across the country, and the Arlington Rangers’ roster is in disarray. It’s time for baseball.

Without further ado, here they are:

MY 2017 SEASON PREDICTIONS

• AL West: Houston Astros³Sorry, Arlington fans. That isn’t Father Time creeping up on your team, it’s the Grim Reaper.
• AL Central: Cleveland Indians
• AL East: Boston Red Sox
• AL Wildcards: Toronto Blue Jays, Seattle Mariners⁴I actually have no confidence in this pick, but there always seems to be one random team that sneaks in. Might as well be them.
• NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
• NL Central: Chicago Cubs⁵If history has taught us anything, it’s that the Cubs will win back-to-back championships between 108-year droughts.
• NL East: New York Mets
• NL Wildcards: an Francisco Giants, Washington Nationals⁶As always, the NL has six good teams battling for five playoff spots. I think the Cardinals get left out again.
• The Astros will finally arrive! Again! 2015 was a pleasant surprise, but it was followed up by a disappointing season last year when the pitching game failed both on the starting and finishing ends.⁷Plus the middle. Our pitching has to be better this year, right? Combine that with the returning stable of exciting youngsters and the addition of some solid veterans… it’s our time to return to the postseason. Honestly, I don’t see a World Series run in this group,⁸Yes, I know. but anything can happen in October.

I have eight of last year’s ten playoff teams repeating (which seems unlikely), but no one else has really made any huge moves to improve from last year, and several teams have taken significant steps back.⁹I’m looking at you, Detroit. I guess a sleeper could emerge in one or more of these races, but they all look like bum steers to me.

I’m sure at least half of these picks will be wrong. See you at the ballpark.

• 1
  Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high.
• 2
  Ok, not really.
• 3
  Sorry, Arlington fans. That isn’t Father Time creeping up on your team, it’s the Grim Reaper.
• 4
  I actually have no confidence in this pick, but there always seems to be one random team that sneaks in. Might as well be them.
• 5
  If history has taught us anything, it’s that the Cubs will win back-to-back championships between 108-year droughts.
• 6
  As always, the NL has six good teams battling for five playoff spots. I think the Cardinals get left out again.
• 7
  Plus the middle.
• 8
  Yes, I know.
• 9
  I’m looking at you, Detroit.