I’ll take “Total Abject Failure” for $200

I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who prefer Wheel of Fortune and those who prefer Jeopardy!.

I’m not necessarily saying that one is better than the other.¹Except we all know Jeopardy! is totally better. Some of us enjoy testing ourselves against other intelligent beings in a contest of knowledge spanning a multitude of subjects, while other people like the idea of spinning a brightly colored wheel and taking turns playing Hangman. Different strokes and all that.

I am, and have been for as long as I can remember, a Jeopardy! person. I watched it as a kid during the summers, and pretty regularly in college and as an adult. I now DVR it every night so I can enjoy it without child-related distraction and commercials,²And the boring-ass contestant interviews. Who enjoys those? WHO IS NO ONE, ALEX? just like all moderately tech savvy old people do. And of course, I think I could win a zillion dollars if I ever made it onto the show.

So last night I took the annual Jeopardy! online contest search test,³Yes, you actually have to prove you know stuff to get on Jeopardy!, unlike some other shows which only require a pulse and a camera-friendly face. just as I have for the past five or six years. And as usual, I have no idea how it went. I felt like it went pretty well, but I always feel that way.

Is Zanzibar a semi-autonomous region in Tanzania? Was Henry III also known as Henry of Winchester and did he ascend to the throne of England at the age of nine? I think so, but I’m too lazy to Google such things and honestly it doesn’t matter now. The test is done and whatever will be, will be. I’m very zen about the whole thing really.

So, what I’m trying to say is…don’t expect to see me on Jeopardy! this year (again).

ZOMG! Star Wars trailer! Star Wars trailer!

Just in case you’ve been living in a cave or something for the past 24 hours, a new trailer debuted yesterday for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. And although I’ve been somewhat hesitant about J.J. “Lens Flare” Abrahams⁴I assume that J.J. stands for “LENS FLARE!” taking over the helm on this one, I have to say this newest teaser really allayed my concerns in a huge, huge way. It’s clear that this is going to feel more like the original trilogy and less like prequels, nor is it going to become “2 STAR 2 WARS” like whatever the Star Trek franchise has devolved into.⁵They even hired the Fast & Furious guy to direct the next one. I guess Scotty will be slapping a nitrous kit on the Enterprise.

That opening slow pan across the desert to the Star Destroyer… Luke’s voice over and his ragged mechanical hand on R2-D2… Stormtroopers and TIE fighters… and the final shot with a couple of familiar rogues. This is what we’ve been waiting for. This is legit Star Wars.

I’m ready, Disney and Lucasfilm. Just take my money now.

Things I should mention before I forget

Easter was what…two weeks ago? Ours was pretty low key. I guess that’s kind of the way it goes once the kids get a little older.

We did dye Easter eggs,⁶As usual, on the day before Easter. Weeknights just aren’t conducive to such activities. but I have to wonder how much longer that will continue. The Son wasn’t really all that pumped about it, but he did get into it after the first couple of eggs. The Daughter, of course, was ALL OVER IT, and gave each of her eggs an Adventures of Milo & Otis theme.⁷She recently saw the movie for the first time, then watched it like a billion times over the following week. I guess in a few years they’ll both be “too old” for such things. I hope they don’t ever decide they are.

Two weeks later, the majority of the kids’ Easter candy is still sitting in their baskets.⁸They didn’t really get that much to begin with. It will continue to sit there for another two weeks until either I eat most of it or throw it away, at which point they’ll freak out about how much they loved the candy and they were planning on eating it and now their lives are total crap. This is how it goes with Halloween and Valentine’s Day too; they get a ton of candy and it just sits there for weeks on end. They don’t notice it until it’s gone.

I think both kids enjoyed their spring break this year, probably because they had totally different experiences. The Son stayed at home and was generally a giant slug for the entire week, although ostensibly he was “taking care of the dog.” There was much wearing of pajamas and watching of YouTube, although his mother did make him leave the house on Friday to partake in an Indian buffet with her.⁹Those two can go to all the Indian buffets they want as long as I don’t have to go.

The Daughter, who is currently quite crazy for animals like most 7-year-olds, spent the week at a camp run by our local SPCA. She learned all about domesticated animals, including proper care techniques and the problems created by overpopulation and human neglect/abuse. They got hands-on time with dogs, cats, hamsters, rats, chinchillas and probably some other things I’ve forgotten about already. Of course, she wanted to adopt them all.

So far, we haven’t added any more mouths to our menagerie, but she’s not giving up.¹⁰She’s particularly hopeful about getting a hamster, which will never happen as long as she lives in the same house as her mother. I fear what’ll happen when she goes to zoo camp this summer.

• 1
  Except we all know Jeopardy! is totally better.
• 2
  And the boring-ass contestant interviews. Who enjoys those? WHO IS NO ONE, ALEX?
• 3
  Yes, you actually have to prove you know stuff to get on Jeopardy!, unlike some other shows which only require a pulse and a camera-friendly face.
• 4
  I assume that J.J. stands for “LENS FLARE!”
• 5
  They even hired the Fast & Furious guy to direct the next one. I guess Scotty will be slapping a nitrous kit on the Enterprise.
• 6
  As usual, on the day before Easter. Weeknights just aren’t conducive to such activities.
• 7
  She recently saw the movie for the first time, then watched it like a billion times over the following week.
• 8
  They didn’t really get that much to begin with.
• 9
  Those two can go to all the Indian buffets they want as long as I don’t have to go.
• 10
  She’s particularly hopeful about getting a hamster, which will never happen as long as she lives in the same house as her mother.