How is it possible that the 2014 Major League Baseball regular season is already over? Where did the time go? And just what in the hell am I supposed to do with all this free time once the playoffs are over in a few weeks?
Anyway, as both of my remaining regular readers no doubt remember, I made some predictions at the beginning of the season (more or less) about how things would shake out. Let’s take a look and see how those worked out.
AL West: Oakland Athletics
Well, I had this one going for me for most of the season. But then the Oakland Athletics decided to start playing like the Oakland Raiders for the final two months of the season.
The A’s enjoyed baseball’s best record for most of the year, then went a woeful 29-38 after the All-Star Break (and a miserable 16-30 over the last quarter). The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of California of the United States of Earth managed to zip right past them and easily win the division by ten games. The A’s managed to back their way into the second wild card spot, but then managed to screw that up in pretty spectacular fashion as well.
AL Central: Detroit Tigers
This one I got right, but just barely. The Tigers captured their fourth consecutive division title in 2014, managing to beat out those pesky upstart Royals by a single game. They probably could have made it in a bit more comfortably if their ace Justin Verlander hadn’t spent most of the season pitching like an Astros AA prospect.
AL East: Tampa Bay Rays
Wow, I really whiffed on this one. The Rays were almost biblically terrible this season, finishing with a losing record and 19 games out of first place. The Baltimore Orioles, on the other hand, played solidly throughout the season and managed to somehow quietly run away with the flashiest, noisiest division in baseball.
I’m still looking for great things out of the Rays in 2015 though, just because of Joe Maddon. That guy’s a mensch.
AL wild cards: Boston Red Sox, Arlington Rangers
In my defense, these two teams did not totally blow chunks in 2013. In fact, one of them even won the World Series. But in 2014, holy hell were these teams awful.
The defending world champion Red Saaaaaawwwwwwx were out of it by the end of May. They were openly blowing up and rebuilding the team by the trading deadline. The biggest game of the year in Boston was the finale of the greatest arch-nemesis. How do ya like ‘dem apples?
The Rangers defined dysfunction in 2014. Just about everyone on the roster ended up breaking a leg, tearing a meniscus, coming down with rickets, or contracting dengue fever. (This list of injured players was written in JUNE.) Yu Darvish missed 51 games, Shin-Soo Choo missed 34, Derek Holland was out for 135, and big free agent stud Prince Fielder missed 115 games. And those are just the guys most people have heard of. Altogether, the Rangers’ roster spent a combined 4.7 billion games on the DL (approximately). Plus manager Ron “Nose Candy” Washington abruptly quit, then held one of the most bizarre press conferences in league history two weeks later. It’s safe to say the Rangers have stolen the Biggest Dumpster Fire in Texas crown from my Astros.
The aforementioned A’s managed to hang on just long enough to eke their way into a wild card spot, and something called the Kansas City Royals (which may or may not be an actual MLB franchise) managed to capture the other one.
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
I hate the freaking Dodgers, but there was little doubt they were going to make the playoffs one way or another. In the end, Clayton Kershaw pitched like the love child of Greg Maddux and Walter Johnson, and they managed to successfully juggle their outfield of all-stars. I take no joy in getting this prediction right; I only take joy in the fact that they wimpered out in the NLDS like the punks they are.
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals
I also hate the Cardinals, but you can just put this prediction on repeat for the next decade. Baseball’s Old Faithful in a division full of mediocre teams.
NL East: Atlanta Braves
It really looked like the Braves could make a run this year. They’ve got a strong core of players and only really had to beat out one other team in 2014 (the Mets, Marlins, and Phillies were mathematically eliminated in spring training). Instead, they turned into the Black Hole of Offensive Production and decided to focus their efforts on screwing over suburban taxpayers. These aren’t the Braves of the ’90s, but they’ll continue to putter along in the top half of the National League and print their own money for years to come.
The Washington Nationals managed to finally put together the breakout year that people have been predicting for a few years now. Stephen “Don’t Call Me Steve” Strasberg pitched a full season, Adam Laroche, Ian Desmond, and Jayson Werth’s beard hit a bunch of home runs, and Matt Williams managed to not bungle the whole thing during the regular season. But then they met an unstoppable force in the playoffs…
NL wild cards: San Francisco Giants, Milwaukee Brewers
I don’t think any team was more all over the place this year than the San Francisco Giants. They got off to an incredibly hot start, then got equally cold. They were yes, then they were no. In, then out. Up, then down. In the end though, they ended up making it into playoffs and now everyone else is toast, because the Giants play to win in October. I look forward to complaining about another victory parade clogging downtown traffic in a few weeks.
I’m not sure what happened to the Brewers. They led the NL Central for 159 days, then managed to not even make the playoffs. That’s a pretty epic collapse right there. But it’s the Brewers, therefore I do not care.
The other wild card team ended up being the Pittsburgh Pirates, playing the role of Scrappy Doo for the second year in a row. Good for them.
Houston Astros: 63-99
Whoa! I managed to underestimate the 2014 Astros. Not only did they avoid losing a 100 for a fourth consecutive year, they actually reached 70 wins! I didn’t think we’d hit the big 7-0 until 2023 at the earliest.
It was quite a year. The ‘stros got off to their usual terrible start, but then strange, weird, wonderful things started happening: George Springer went crazy, Jose Altuve turned into Mini-Ichiro, and Dallas Keuchel and Collin McHugh emerged as bona fide Major League starters. Sure, they never managed to get any of their games on TV and ended up firing their manager, but hey — let’s call the season a win.
And speaking of winning…
I won my fantasy baseball league! I await my victory parade down Market Street.
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